The Katican Dreaming

Something Better

2009-10-07T01:49:00.003+08:00

It's official. I am moving over to here from now onwards. I have plenty of updates to do after this!

I am exploring on what I should and should not put in my new place as it looks pretty professional (not because of me sadly). So I have to keep up with its professional image! Should I open it so it's easier to ask for comments and opinions which I foresee I would need in time to come? Right now I am still confused. I wanna work it out, along with many many things!

Give me super powers!

And Lastly, I have to say goodbye to Blogger. It's been 2 years. We simply move on when we find something better.

With final love,
Kat

Experiementation- Diminishing Complication

2009-10-06T08:45:00.002+08:00

Recently I have done obsessive amount of digital manipulation to my photographs, not necessarily or pertaining to pictures of myself only. Ok, I would never consider myself narcissistic or a master of digital manipulation. I would say self portraits are a good way to experiment and explore. And you can always TRY to get it right later by reshooting the same thing easily. Also I am not a big fan of digital manipulated photos as I would like to keep the 'integrity' of the scene as it is. However, I was pretty inspired by tonnes of beautifully manipulated pictures out there so I would like to give it a try too.

I guess I am obsessed with complexity currently, as you can see from the layering of 'stuff' in a pretty straight forward and bland portrait. This picture was taken long ago and I just used it for manipulation purpose. The background or the layered pictures are actually pictures I took as a bnw series done on 'nature'. It is a theme that I enjoyed doing and fits my notion of being 'complex'. I admit I am not 100% satisfied with what I have as I still feel it's not complex enough? I think I have a problem here. I may manipulate it further and post it up. MMM....

2 Down, 1 More Dread Remaining. TX SUCKS!

2009-10-05T21:21:00.006+08:00

Like what I have expected, the msn and email issues are resolved and the microsoft guys fixed up the back-end for me, really quickly. I was dreading that the email correspondence between me and Microsoft will go on forever. I don't know what I did to screw up their back-end. ah hem...
Just so glad everything is intact.

I think my fingers are shaking abit when I typed it... In the end, Microsoft didn't let me down. They got two person to fix the problem. Hooray! And according to what I have expected, qq is really going to be a DREAD. I wanna kill the TX guys. All the support guy did was to give me a freaking official reply asking me to clear my cookies and cache and try again..when it's their own back-end can't even stop from producing page errors. Wonderful. I resort to leaving messages everywhere, official site or not. And one place just deleted my comment. Bring on the censorship. Everything's perfect!

Fortunately, being my usual optimistic self (ah hem..), I shall give them some BOD and wait the official site to reply. However, it will be another story otherwise.

BTW, can microsoft buy TX over? Opps..maybe I shouldn't say that when I am actually using a Mac. wth

Another BTW, it's somehow quite ironic when I am solving a problem of hotmail using gmail and writing to Microsoft on a Mac. Hahaha

Stranded on My Own Island

2009-10-03T23:37:00.003+08:00

Hai...sometimes when you are in bad luck, it goes all the way down to the bottom and comes and goes like tides or maybe tsunamis. To think about it..this year really isn't a good year for me.

Like how I lost so many things in one go, like how memories are just wiped out in a blink of an eye, like how a dying relationship went completely dead, like how friends came and went, like how disappointment come so easily, like how fragile an ego can be, like how precious time has become.

Now I have something else to add to this bad year. I am on the verge of losing my qq, msn and email. Msn and email should be easy to get back but qq is totally another story. TX can never compare to microsoft in their customer service. Without hotmail I can still use gmail, without msn I can simply stop chatting, without qq I can..try not to think about it. But they are significant beyond just a bunch of applications. Besides their sentimental values, I have so much information inside that's too precious to be lost. Like strings tied to a kite, I do not want to cut those last strings to that kite. (Yes, I am trying to sound profound. )

BUT, I remain hopeful. This year is not over, maybe it's unfair to conclude that its a bad year after all. I hope good things will come my way soon. And there are plenty of good souls out there.

Psst..sometimes I wish I am a hacker. Oh no...

How Far Would You Go?

2009-10-02T23:20:00.003+08:00

How far would you travel to heal the one you love?

Tatto??

2009-10-01T23:49:00.000+08:00

I was extremely...bored...and this is sweet.

Happy Birthday to China

2009-10-01T23:34:00.000+08:00

Happy National Day to China. 中国60大庆咯！

Wantons

2009-09-30T20:19:00.000+08:00

Walls

2009-09-29T01:16:00.002+08:00

I hate the way how things looks now. It sucks. The photos all sucks..nothing looks good enough. I can't get them to look the way I wanted. Frustrating! Not sharp enough, not enough contrast..not balanced colours.. arghhh. I suck

And another thing? I absolutely loves wordpress. Sorry blogger. I really feel like ending my blog with you after testing my luck with wordpress which impressed me in so many ways, and is STILL impressing.

Disappointed..as usual..
Kat

Bedtime Is Good Time

2009-09-27T23:59:00.001+08:00

This is a post which I posted a month ago. Now the plan is coming along....

This is sooo fine and gives me lots of ideas. I have a great plan coming along!

Sounds fun and looks fun!

I seriously do not wish to sleep out in the open and be sexposed to everyone's eyes again. Unless I fell asleep on the table top or something. That can't be helped.

..........................................................................................

Now with some effort and cash....
School is now a more comfortable place for that long night and day ahead. Hope we will enjoy our stay. I already enjoyed one night of testing alone, which is good. Except for the blasting aircon..I hope the school will raise it to save some cost. It's way too cold, cold like autumn. And please I don't want to hear shocked responses that I rather sleep in school than at home. Everyone has their own reason and difficulties.

.....
....
...
..
.

Here we go.

Good night.
Kat

A Good Meal?

2009-09-27T23:17:00.005+08:00

These are some pictures to remind myself...to refrain from being too lazy when I am free and cook more often.

With Luv,
kat.

Little Totoro

2009-09-27T22:57:00.004+08:00

Saturday, Today

2009-09-26T14:26:00.002+08:00

Beautiful Moments..

2009-09-22T23:14:00.003+08:00

A romantic, trapped in the shackles of a realist..waiting to break free.

ok

2009-09-21T23:32:00.001+08:00

Things I can't say,
Things I can't show,

I write them down here..

I said I am okay, when all I need is a shoulder to cry on.

So long & Goodbye

2009-09-21T17:50:00.000+08:00

Such a shame that you have to go. But I know you have gone to a better place.

I miss you, Jam.

With luv,
Kat

Change

2009-09-10T02:08:00.002+08:00

The plan is to change for the better.

Give me strength!
Make me strong!

Most importantly,

don't forget to love..

The world is in my own hands..

Now or Never

2009-09-08T02:57:00.002+08:00

I found the problems and now I found the cure. I have known them existed all along but I chose to ignore it. For too long I have be shunning it and it's time to face myself, my fears, my inner me.

It's got to happen. It has to..I don't want to give myself any more excuses.

We only live once! So stop all these crap and nonsense and start living!

Tasteless

2009-09-02T21:57:00.001+08:00

I've lost my sense of taste. My mouth just tastes so bland and bitter. Just now I almost told someone that the cup of lemonade taste weird when I realised it was my own taste buds that's giving me the wrong information. I am not sure how long it will last but according to my mother it is only when you had fever that your tongue will go out. Maybe..it is a blessing in disguise since even water tastes sweet now in my bitter mouth.

I woke up with high fever 5am in the morning on Monday. It was unbearable, the feeling of weakness, helplessness and an experience close to that of dying from an uncontrollable disease. I have had many near death experiences before, such as bicycle accidents and falling down from heights which all left me unconscious. But somehow being caught in a slow and painful situation like a high fever with every inch of my body aching do bring some issues to mind. Time slows down..then the pain is somehow magnified. Trust me, I would rather be unconscious after being hit by a car or bike.

While I was wriggling in bed swallowing my pain..I couldn't stop thinking bout this one person. I think it explains a lot as to why I only thought of this person when I am in great need of comfort and help. It kept going over my mind and somehow reignited my faith. If only this someone knows..I still could not find any courage to show it. I guess I am too weak, not just physically, but also emotionally.

Then I reflected on why I am so weak within these few months. Have I not been exercising enough? Maybe..I think I should start swimming more often whenever I have time. Now I have location as a convenience, shouldn't waste it. Also, I had all 3 days to think about things..time really slowed down. No internet, no work, not much phone calls and sms. Time is a luxury. Don't blame me coz I am really bed bound. These aside, I think the most important reason why I physically broken down again is the insurmountable stress even at week 3. I was really..really stressed. It was the first time that I got so stressed up in the beginning! It is not just work, but also people, friends and family...mostly friends. I have been very disappointed lately, by a lot of things. We blame, we fault we run and we accuse, but friendships should remain. These things are hard to come by, so I hope to treasure and hold, and definitely communicate.

Last but not least, I wish time would go slower..I wish I could have more time to think and to rest. It is impossible to remove all stress from life but I hope it won't bring me down that easily, again.

With love,
Kat.

Speaking wise

2009-08-31T00:21:00.002+08:00

How to say what to say when to say where to say how much to say how little to say how deep to say how shallow to say how fast to say how slow to say how to say..

Art of conversation? Maybe best is don't say at all. haha

Turbulence

2009-08-28T01:37:00.001+08:00

It's only the 3rd week..and I am already exhausted...

It's both good and bad.

Puzzled..

2009-08-26T02:45:00.003+08:00

I am puzzled..and even troubled..by some of my interpersonal interations with some people around me.

Is it me? Did I do something wrong? If I've said something wrong I apologise. But why the sudden change of attitude?

I am really not good at this.

Here I am,

A confused Kat..

A New Day is a New Beginning But Why Am I Still here waiting?

2009-08-25T12:23:00.006+08:00

Against all adversaries..we need strength, encouragement, hope and empathy.

Thanks for providing me what I lacked in a time which is significant to me, even though it could be so unimportant to the rest. After weeks of having a dangling feeling in my stomach, finally the dust has settled and my heart is no longer in my throat. I got what I wanted in the end and in the process, learnt certain things that broke my heart.

But I will not blame anyone, in fact I feel sorry for the things that I didn't know or probably did inappropriately under the circumstances. Communication is important to me, as well as understanding. I don't seek your understanding this time as it might to be too much to ask from.

I am teaching myself to lower my expectations, to speak and think less and listen more.

I am telling myself to be strong, to be happy, to be content with the things in life even though the going can be so tough and even though sometimes the people closest to me always hurt me the most.

Please don't give up on me.

I need some love, more than you would think.

HOW?

2009-08-24T02:03:00.004+08:00

I guess I will just have to live with certain things and learn to breathe.

Nothing more should be said and I should just treasure whatever is given.

Jammer Log (WARNING: highly mundane!)

2009-08-19T21:21:00.004+08:00

DAY 1 Sunday

Sick..very sick. Jammer's found lying in his own pee. The first thing that came across my mind is wet-tail. His paws and feet were cold. His coat was scuffy, with ears down, and one of the eyes was closed with pus. He looked on the verge of death as I could see his heart beat so fast. The best I can do is to transfer him out of his cage and place him in a new cardboard box with fresh bedding, tissue, water and food. As he cannot take hard food, I cooked some hard-boiled egg. Though the little one is sick, he is still appreciative. A restless night followed with constant monitoring..but I fell asleep eventually.

DAY 2 Monday

Prepared some scrambled egg for him and he likes it, but he took only a tiny portion of the entire bowl. I was worried about his water intake as he refuse to drink from his water dispenser. He slept and slept and sometimes I think he won't make it as he slept in all sorts of contorted positions. One interesting thing I found is that he was always found with his head resting on the rim of the food bowl. Later at night I ran to the stores and bought him a syringe. He is not happy about this part and after all that effort blobs of water droplets just accumulated outside his mouth. I think maybe out of these blobs he only tried drinking 10% of it.

Day 3 Tuesday

Bought 2 sprays for cage cleaning and antiseptic respectively as I suspect the culprit for his illness is bacteria infection. A lot of work to do now! As for Jammer: more resting, and plan B for food. Cooked him porridge. And he seems to like it and tucked his head in right away. Finally I found a good way to hydrate him. Now all I could do is to make him comfortable and wait for him to recover.

Day 4 Wednesday

Jammer woke me up today. His constant scratching is even better than alarm clock as his box is on my bedside table. He's much lively today and yes, he shrank in size. Where is that fat carpet-look-a-like Jammer? I am gonna beef him up when he's fully recovered. And with all that scratching he's destroying his temporary nursing room, so I better clean up and restore his cage asap.

Update:

1.08am. Hooray! Cage cleaning done. Took me 3 hours!.... Scrubbed down everything and disinfected everything. I think all the action is going to make me into a clean freak when it comes to Jammer hygience. And boy..he was happy and excited and went right to the second floor and lodged himself onto the top of the cage, completely ignoring the 2 floors drop. I think he's amazing. It puzzles me how quick his attitude changed when I moved him from the temporary cage to his own cleaned cage. At the temp place he's always resting more than moving around but once in the cleaned cage he's back to his old self. I wonder why..but at least for now I dont have to worry about him suddenly die on me anymore.

Paper Cranes for Jammer

2009-08-18T01:54:00.005+08:00

Dear Jammer,

I am writting this to you in the hopes that you will get better soon to your old happy and active self. I miss the lively and happy you. I miss your late-night-food-crunching and running-on-wheel noises.

You mean a lot to me. You are the first thing and the last thing i see every night. And I think about you even when I am overseas. This part sounds wrong, but it's true! I really can't bear to see you dying. I felt so bad when I found out that you were sick and I had to leave for that convention. And I got so scared that you would die when I found you lying on your side. It reminded me hauntinly of my two rabbits who died a tragic death due to illness. This time, I wish I could prevent history from repeating itself.

Right now you are so weak and I really hope a miracle can happen. Please get back up again..I beg you. And please please drink more water. If you need to sleep that much to recover, I will wait patiently..

Get well soon!

With lots of love,

Kat

I Had A Bad Day

2009-08-16T00:41:00.000+08:00

I felt anguished, disappointed, guilty, detached, frustrated, angry, helpless, hopeless, exhausted & lonely all in one day.

I cried and laughed all in one day. Sometimes it is hard not to feel like a robot, going through the motion of day to day life involuntarily. And then at the very end of it is death and eternal bliss. However, the only resurrection of the day is that I exercised self control. I have been very good at that recently. I guess eventually it will lead to less pain, as lessons have taught me before.

We are all learning as we go along. The only thing I need to learn right now, is to focus more on myself and the current tasks at hand. It's time to change things and get out of this state of emotional unrest.

Let me find my redemption, soon.

P.S.: Thanks to my friends who had shown me concern and support. I do appreciate everything and anything. :)

With love,

Kat

Glimpse

2009-08-13T05:07:00.000+08:00

I adore your smiles.
They look so lovely.

So just smile more,
For it brightens someone's day.

Moon River

2009-08-08T16:53:00.001+08:00

Moon river, wider than a mile.

I'm crossing you in style some day.

Oh dream maker, you heart breaker,

Wherever you are going, I'm going your way.

Two drifters, off to see the world,

There're such alot of world to see.

We're after the same rainbow's end,

Waiting round the bend.

My huckleberry friend,

Moon river and me.

My Jammer My Love

2009-07-30T05:06:00.000+08:00

Jammer enjoys a good pet.

And he is a good pet that has a wonderful owner who enjoys to pet him.

Lucky boy, ain't him?

Below this line is a turn for the worse in my swinging mood
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Stupid blogger is absolutely behaving like an ass....AGAIN!
my faithful trust in u is draining away...very quickly..

If someone important is searching for that keyword which shows up this part (which differs hugely from my NORMAL temperament, coughs..)

please...do something!

Once or twice is still ok, but now it's beginning to look like a period that comes every month, for the ladies...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

ok...finish. but still, very frustrating!

I ABSOLUTELY HEART MY DARLINGS!

2009-07-26T01:21:00.004+08:00

Absolutely, yes. I do.

We finally head down to Ma Maison again. And the squid ink spag is AMAZINGLY DELICIOUS!! hahaha. Too bad I can't have free flow of it.

And somehow you guys can really take my blues away. I love your teasings, blurness, laughters, huhs, icecream (according to hw in exact words)! And I won't go down as huh-huhs. Why should I have two huhs when you guys are more buang than me??! hmph

And darling wen..so sorry my camera ran out of batt. I should've taken a pic of you and the presents. Hope you like both of them. LOL. -.-''

From Left to Right, The current NO.1 blur queen, The ex/not-so-blur-today blur queen and the erm...always blur queen going yoyoyo.

There are a few stupid pics in between. My face was left out in the foreground when I took them ...I knew it, tsk tsk!

Then..camera died. End of story.

Love to laugh and share with you all. And we have to have a grad trip together! Enough said. Thanks to my babies for making my day. And don't say I look like Auntie ah hl, coz there's no use. MuahahahA.

With lots of love,
Kat.

What It Takes

2009-07-25T16:52:00.000+08:00

Are we living a lie that we created for ourselves? Are we really going to see the truth? When?

When I grow up?
When I finally could set myself free from everything?
When there is no longer hatred?
When we are too old to do anything about what has been done already?

I do not want to think. I can't think.

I just hope I can do the right thing.
No matter how difficult it takes.

It is, afterall, my life.

The Way You Make Me Feel

2009-07-17T00:05:00.002+08:00

Stolen

Beautiful images from flickr. I cant remb where they are from.

Do you miss me?

Kat.

My Miserable Reoccurring Misfortunes

2009-07-14T05:13:00.008+08:00

Lost n found:

1. Dark Navy blue Striped-sleeve jacket. ( First Pic Left: on the seat of one of the chairs)

If anyone has seen this jacket..ok whoever will read this blog. If u know where it is pls tell me. I beg you. T_T

2. Brown bikini top. (Second pic on myself)

Sorry darlings, I lost half of this set of bikini. Buy me another set? And to the person who stole it: I feel sorry for you, whoever you are, guy or girl, you have sinned. Back in the ancient times, if you get caught stealing, your hands are supposed to be chopped off. Never steal what does not belong to you. Earn it, with your own hands!!! Return me my beautiful bras too!! I suspect it is all YOU!!

3. Cute Cup with dog print and spoon. (First pic on the table)

Ok this baby is not with me yet. I am a bad owner as I have left it in the lurch for too long. I am coming for you soon!

Thanks Shicong for sending me these pics. Painful reminders though. And thanks for having the heart to say that I still look nice when I couldn't look more sick and exhausted than I was in the second pic. (The lump of tissue is the proof)

When can things stop going missing? I hate this feeling. I treasure everything that I have. Throwing stuff away is the most painful and difficult decision that I have to make during spring cleanings. Yeah. I just get emotionally attached to things easily.

Kat.

Another Me

2009-07-14T03:45:00.006+08:00

I loathe superficiality.

But still I fell into this trap easily. Sometimes its tiring to be that person that you are not. Merely 2 hours at the gym is a test of mental strength and character. I was bombarded by people. Everyone asks and talks about the same things. I repeated the same answers over and over, only hoping to be left alone.

It's sad, when I realised that I am no longer the naive little girl that I was, who was so flustered when someone asked for my number. Now I am weathered and cold inside (trust me, intrinsically I am full of love), though I could use a little sweetness and politeness to put up as a front. Being able to easily see through people is a sickening skill to acquire.

I yearn for that something to release me. From my own walls which I built up. I am afraid to fell into the pitfalls of adulthood where all u could think about is materialistic desires and possessions. MJ's death remind me painfully of how someone can still stay true their inner child and be who they really are despite what the rest of the world is against or has disposed of that ideal. I am not saying we should all dispense our money and start playing hide and seek because, unfortunately, society does not function in such empirical and simplistic way.

All that said..what is exactly an appropriate definition for simplicity? What is simple between people? Between lovers? Between friends? How ironic it is that we always yearned for something simple and yet it is always us who complicate things? And what lies beneath that calm and composed surface of people that you meet every day? I am extremely curious.

I pray that I am not asking too much from the person that I will need. ok.. I need someone whom I can converse with on an intellectual level; someone whom I can laugh, cry and play with; Someone who listens to his inner child; Someone who is able to see the world in my eyes; someone who loves unconditionally.

Maybe the last one is too trying to achieve. Even myself is not up to it. But we should never stop hoping and dreaming. I am saying all these is not because I am advertising for a boyfriend, but I realised the need to have a little idea of what I really want so when I am presented with one I would not miss it. And yes, I was reminded twice yesterday that I DO NOT have a boyfriend. Finally, if you think all that I've said is vague and non-essential then maybe you haven't get the point.

Embrace the child that we are...

I hope I find you,

Kat.

Testing 2..

2009-07-10T17:17:00.003+08:00

testing..

2009-07-10T01:32:00.000+08:00

yeah..finally

Have You Seen My Childhood

2009-07-08T15:12:00.001+08:00

This song made me cry so hard.

"Before you judge me, try hard to love me."

Your Life

2009-07-08T14:15:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I hope you don't have to go through all these. I do not want to see you get hurt and I have no rights to do or say anything to prevent that.

But this is life. You get yourself into shit and suffer, for the ones you love. You want to see everything, but sometimes you can be so blinded. You want to be someone for that person but in the process you forget that it is you that he fell for.

This is Frustrating..

2009-07-05T03:29:00.002+08:00

I dont know what happened...but this is definitely dampening my mood right now. I have been experiencing problems with uploading pics into this place.

Somehow it still refuses.....

Hope this wont take long, before my patience drains out. I have been considering shutting it down recently. I might see this as the green light to go ahead.

Let's wait and see..

My Muse

2009-07-04T18:23:00.002+08:00

I found my muse. It's good to find someone who inspires!

And it makes me wanna stop this place. It is just so boring. After 3 years it hasn't really stick to what it should be in the beginning. I shall see how it goes.

Yeah...lazy bum I am. Oh well...

p.s. what's wrong with blogger, why can't I upload pictures??!

Lemon Puffs and Ghosts

2009-07-03T15:46:00.002+08:00

I woke up feeling pretty strange.

I dreamt of myself baking lemon puffs. Somehow I did not intend to bake that but it ended up to be lemon puffs....I still vividly remember that this dream was extremely logical as I even remembered to look for the unused and half dried lemon in the fridge. It really exist! Maybe I am too desperate to bake something.

Then I was with my neighbour's kids? I brought them out to somewhere and we saw ghosts. The kid got scared but I was pretty calm. Again..this is still very logical despite it's about ghosts. Then I ended up at an unfamiliar room belonging to a friend. She was doing her own stuff and I am left alone wondering what I should do.

Then I woke up.

You Are Not Alone

2009-07-03T03:55:00.010+08:00

Finally, I have some questions answered

Stolen from Lisa Marie Presley..

"Friday, June 26, 2009

He Knew.

Years ago Michael and I were having a deep conversation about life in general.

I can't recall the exact subject matter but he may have been questioning me about the circumstances of my Fathers Death.

At some point he paused, he stared at me very intensely and he stated with an almost calm certainty, "I am afraid that I am going to end up like him, the way he did."

I promptly tried to deter him from the idea, at which point he just shrugged his shoulders and nodded almost matter of fact as if to let me know, he knew what he knew and that was kind of that.

14 years later I am sitting here watching on the news an ambulance leaves the driveway of his home, the big gates, the crowds outside the gates, the coverage, the crowds outside the hospital, the Cause of death and what may have led up to it and the memory of this conversation hit me, as did the unstoppable tears.

A predicted ending by him, by loved ones and by me, but what I didn't predict was how much it was going to hurt when it finally happened.

The person I failed to help is being transferred right now to the LA County Coroners office for his Autopsy.

All of my indifference and detachment that I worked so hard to achieve over the years has just gone into the bowels of hell and right now I am gutted.

I am going to say now what I have never said before because I want the truth out there for once.

Our relationship was not "a sham" as is being reported in the press. It was an unusual relationship yes, where two unusual people who did not live or know a "Normal life" found a connection, perhaps with some suspect timing on his part. Nonetheless, I do believe he loved me as much as he could love anyone and I loved him very much.

I wanted to "save him" I wanted to save him from the inevitable which is what has just happened.

His family and his loved ones also wanted to save him from this as well but didn't know how and this was 14 years ago. We all worried that this would be the outcome then.

At that time, In trying to save him, I almost lost myself.

He was an incredibly dynamic force and power that was not to be underestimated.
When he used it for something good, It was the best and when he used it for something bad, It was really, REALLY bad.

Mediocrity was not a concept that would even for a second enter Michael Jackson's being or actions.

I became very ill and emotionally/ spiritually exhausted in my quest to save him from certain self-destructive behavior and from the awful vampires and leeches he would always manage to magnetize around him.

I was in over my head while trying.

I had my children to care for, I had to make a decision.

The hardest decision I have ever had to make, which was to walk away and let his fate have him, even though I desperately loved him and tried to stop or reverse it somehow.
After the Divorce, I spent a few years obsessing about him and what I could have done different, in regret.

Then I spent some angry years at the whole situation.
At some point, I truly became Indifferent, until now.

As I sit here overwhelmed with sadness, reflection and confusion at what was my biggest failure to date, watching on the news almost play by play The exact Scenario I saw happen on August 16th, 1977 happening again right now with Michael (A sight I never wanted to see again) just as he predicted, I am truly, truly gutted.

Any ill experience or words I have felt towards him in the past has just died inside of me along with him.

He was an amazing person and I am lucky to have gotten as close to him as I did and to have had the many experiences and years that we had together.

I desperately hope that he can be relieved from his pain, pressure and turmoil now.
He deserves to be free from all of that and I hope he is in a better place or will be.

I also hope that anyone else who feels they have failed to help him can be set free because he hopefully finally is.

The World is in shock but somehow he knew exactly how his fate would be played out some day more than anyone else knew, and he was right.

I really needed to say this right now, thanks for listening.

~LMP "

I was watching MTV this afternoon and there it was, endless loop of michael's music videos and documentaries. It is then I realised how he had been misunderstood as a person, who was never allowed to have a 'normal' life. His demise is inevitable, just like so many before him.

Life for him as a star is short and bright, at least bright for the most part of it. He had physically grown as a person but mentally he was still a child, and a lonely and emotionally reliant one. Many tried to bring him down and they had succeeded. The world has lost yet another star.

He could have the world, and everything that he needed, yet all he needed was love.

You are not alone.
R.I.P.

Bad times..

2009-06-28T23:16:00.003+08:00

So freaking sick....

Yesterday it was my left nostril and today it's my right nostril. Both of them take turns to turn on the tap. I cannot take this. Roarrr...

I guess for now I will do some self containment as I can't control my nose and the sneezes...I wouldn't want to see ppl freak out coz of me. OPPS...

With a running nose,
Kat.

Flyday

2009-06-26T15:27:00.004+08:00

This morning, I attempt to save this sick baby..my mother mentioned sth like it needs to be hanged to grow. So...here it goes.

Not balanced..but whatever..

And then..seeing my poor balancing acts, she got interested and took the situation into her own hands.

Ok, at least now it's balanced..

Then I brought Jammer for a walk..He has already received some leftover food and toiletries from two fellows who unfortunately passed away. It's inevitable..but it still saddens me to know that in the near future.....hai...

'Can I bribe you?' - Kat

'NO!! You think $10 can bribe me???!! You nuts?' - Jam
'Run ahhh!' - Jam

'Ok..let's rest.' - Jam

Today is Friday...

another time another day..

I want to bake something and have a cup of tea.

kat.

Up-Coming!

2009-06-23T23:56:00.002+08:00

These are the 3 movies which I absolutely cannot miss!!!

Yeah...can't wait..

Time Is Of Irrelevance In Some Cases

2009-06-23T00:48:00.020+08:00

19.06.09

Cute according to hw who made no effort to repeat 'ooo so cute'...

then...

I found this!! Where is my fairy godmother?? I want a complete attire to go with it!

20.06.09

Squirrel..I suspect it is food..

Dog who barks half-heartedly..

Kampong chickens..ppl keep discussing how good they taste like in front of them.. I wonder how I would have felt if I am the kampong chicken inside.

We sung almost everything we could....the selection there was pretty exhaustive.

Professional gamblers..

There are mud..there are shit..then there are mudskippers..and more shit..

awwww...that face....pinch!

21.06.09

Kelong has monstrous fish..and dead monstrous fish..and I was kind of wishing someone would fall inside..muahaha

Sea dwelling pocket kitten..

With luck..i wish my long ago expired films would turn out ok. Pray hard!

Travelling is the best thing that could ever happen to me. And travelling with good company? Even betta!!

With lots of luv,
Kat

We Are Good

2009-06-22T01:07:00.000+08:00

Nothing is illegal unless you get caught.

This is so true.

See The End?

2009-06-19T00:14:00.008+08:00

One more day..

Just how long will it take.
Give me a sign..

and save me.

kat

Most Random..

2009-06-18T00:17:00.009+08:00

My handphone has the most random images of all...

03.05.09

26.05.09

09.06.09

14.06.09

18.06.09

This last picture here is for me to convince myself that I am still girly...most of the stuff was kept somewhere else until i forgot that I have them. Now I love spring cleaning..

18 June is happy day..I am sorry if I made it unhappy...I am the buang-est person on earth. Period.

kat

Pictureplay

2009-06-16T05:38:00.005+08:00

These are a group of pictures which I digged up from my old picture library. They are from overseas trips and shall be categorised into both photography and travel sections. These are the treasures which I tucked away unnoticed. Hope to dig out more and really really wish I could get a nice camera to continue doing this.

I feel so dead right now...Need to find means to cheer myself up. I need a drifting trip bad..real bad.

Caught up inside? Kinda in a emotional mess right now..

Me shyss...

Sunrise and sunset are the most beautiful times of the day. Unfortunately, I catch most of the sunsets only. This is one of the most stunning and beautiful sunsets I've captured..

And before you know it...the next moment really brings out the colours. It can't just get more beautiful than it already is.

A different way of life..

Like an oil painting..

Waiting for someone to fill up that hole..

Love this girl..always

This fascinates me...

This girl is not me..

That's all..

With luvs..
Kat

The Summer of Love of 1967

2009-06-11T20:01:00.004+08:00

Stolen from a 64 year old boy..

It is forty years since the Summer of Love. And there are 're-enactments' up all over the country. I am trying to imagine what this group (many if not most in their sixties) looks like now. I remember the hit item at the time was LSD (and I do not mean the Mormons). This year I bet it is the guy with the Viagra stand that does well. So much for free love. When you hit sixty it could cost you a few dollars (even if it is only co payments).

I remember this Summer of Love. I was still living in San Francisco although by then I had spent time in Asia and Europe. I was 22 years old. I had given up on the hippy life style although I still had a beard and long hair and working at the Langley Porter Institute which was actually on a hill that sort of looked down on the Haight Ashbury which was ground zero for the 100k people that came to SF to wear flowers in their hair. I had been a sort of founding member of the ‘hippy movement” although I never liked that term. But I did not make the whose whos of hippydom.

In 1963, I discovered a place on Fulton Street called the Blue Unicorn. It was owned by Bob Stubbs. It was a kind of coffee house but it was mostly about people like me who would go there for some coffee or food and sit around and read (we did not have notebooks, blackberries, cell phones, or any other form of electronic communications). They had a piano there that I sometimes played. And a back room where I once saw Bob Dylan. Alan Ginsberg would come in and I sat and talked with him on a number of occasions and even went to a party at his apartment. I became friends with Norm Stubbs, Bob’s younger brother. After a year or so, some similar places began to open up on Haight Street and slowly the action moved there. Bob actually opened a store right on the corner of Masonic and Haight Street. It was all kind of strange to me. I had spent many years as a child on that block between Masonic and Ashbery. My mother and step father had a donut store right in the middle of that block. And both my mom’s and dad’s families had lived in that area in the 20s and 30s. We all smoked pot and even took LSD (I had my first experience after visiting a dance performance at the Magic Theater on Divisidero street) And at that time the Rock movement was getting started. I got to know some of the members of the Jefferson Airplane and went to parties at the home of Jerry Garcia. But I did not care for this kind of music. Having studied classical music, I was falling in love with Jazz. Also I wanted to be a serious musician (composer not piano player that came later) and the musicians I knew were more in love with drugs than music. I used to joke that I wanted to practices and then get stoned and they wanted to get stoned and then practice. The exception to all this was Janet Joplin who I got to hear rehearsing. I was also busy with the anti war movement (Vietnam) and Civil Rights. Most importantly, I was in love. And then a few years later, my heart was broken. I went to live in Paris and later London before coming back in 1966. I was pretty surprised to see that a our little movement had grown and accomplished much but also disappointed that so many of the people that came to SF in 1967 where not really looking for love.

"We are here to make a better world.

No amount of rationalization or blaming can preempt the moment of choice each of us bring to our situation here on this planet. The lesson of the 60's is that people who cared enough to do right could change history.

We didnt end racism but we ended legal segregation.

We ended the idea that you could send half-a-million soldiers around the world to fight a war that people do not support.

We ended the idea that women are second-class citizens.

We made the environment an issue that couldn't be avoided.

The big battles that we won cannot be reversed. We were young, self-righteous, reckless, hypocritical, brave, silly, headstrong and scared half to death.

And we were right."

-Abbie Hoffman

Not everything said are entirely true. Meaningless war appears to be a recurring theme. As for love, it is never free. So to hell with freedom of love and stay away from psychedelic freaks. However, if, for example, it takes to go to hell to be like that of Bonnie and Clyde who are unfortunately not from the 60s, I wouldn't mind at all. So what remains is the music and fashion. We should all go in circles and start digging in our parents' closets.

AND yes, SAVE the earth! It's always better to separate ur papers from the plastics.

This summer is freaking HWAT! and it's getting hotter..

With Luv,
Kat

Coincidence

2009-06-06T05:53:00.003+08:00

I saw the four lettered word fingered onto the glass which came out of nowhere.
I wonder what does it mean.
It does not start with a f.

Just weird...that i got reminded of that person this way.

'I just can't bring myself to admit how much I miss you. I stopped listening to my heart long ago.'

kat.

Interlude.6.20

2009-06-03T06:27:00.004+08:00

------
The sun is rising and the wind is chilling.

We rested and caught our breath. Then I pointed away into the distance and exclaimed:
'It's a mountain, in the clouds!'

Tucked away in the woods and mountains of ridges, capped in glaciers and showered with early morning sun, it glistened in the distance in faint orange, and in testament of its eternity.

Then you replied:
'It's a golden mountain.'

I only saw it once. And maybe just this once.
-----

All Is Calm

2009-06-02T21:19:00.000+08:00

oooo...What's going on?

I stopped thinking!

かご猫

2009-05-24T21:42:00.005+08:00

Look at that tail...

Stop and smell the flower.

friend?

Awww...pinches! There's more.

Luvs,
Kat

Lost No More

2009-05-23T16:26:00.006+08:00

Lost & Found,
somewhere in Beijing

These are the things which caught my eyes. Don't we all love everything beautiful and poetic?

It all just make life wonderful.

and other finds..

I love this atmosphere, and of course, the cat.

It's all in the details..

Things that inspires..

Kat

Float

2009-05-23T16:19:00.001+08:00

enjoy

Just Another Piece of Evidence of My Randomness But We All Need Some Time To Stop And Smell The Flowers

2009-05-21T04:35:00.008+08:00

Nobody is perfect and I am NOT nobody.

I can't just sit around anymore for something to happen to my life. Waiting is useless. I need to put words into action. I need to improve! I know that I have no choice and no reason for the rough times that I've been through but I know that it's never too late to control and shape your future. No one should ever give up and lose sight of their dreams.

And I should stop judging myself and the people around me. If nobody understand me it is not anyone's fault. Every body is different and thrives on a different set of beliefs and values. We all have our own choices and stands. Don't try to change a person when you can't. And this amounts finally to where we would end up. You would never end up the same way as another person and it may not make your life necessarily better or worse than the latter. Similarly, you can't blame parents for passing judgments which are unfair. There are things they would never understand or know since we are all different entities. I guess I will keep an open heart.

Still, we like to put blames and fault others. It's all human nature and unfortunately we are human beings which are bound to implicate things. The truth is a few years down the road nothing will ever seem so important anymore. I had my fair share of problems and 'shadows' which may have greatly shaped me into who I am today. My thoughts, personality and behaviour are a reflection of the years and lives of others in my life, as well as events and things as small as molecular collisions or atmoic explosions but nonetheless critical.

My thoughts are digressing and flying all over the place. The gist of it all is that I want to feel peaceful and alive again. I have been dwelling long enough in the shadows and I have been wanting more than what I can chew. Greedy, resentful, quick to judge and afraid, I am loosing the me in myself. I am loosing sight of that simple and kind person that I always wanted to be. I want to change for the better so I can embrace myself again.

We are no saints. We err.

I have made lots of mistakes along the way which I hope I had learn well from all of them. I make it a point to keep true my own bottom line and principles. I only wish that it could be seen coz they are people from my past whom would never understand this. I am saying this is because firstly I am feeling nostalgic, and most importantly I need a reminder on learning from past mistakes or maybe that of others.

To end off this popped up for no reason post, I shall insist on this fact.

No matter how much you think I have changed. I am still ME. Deep down you can still find that little childish girl who is still inquistive about the whole wide world and believes in goodness in everything that is not evil.

Just like this pretty stolen image which has certain ambiguous meaning and value that is only known to myself.

I look on the bright side of things..

as a Choice.

kat.

This Is An Exercise.

2009-05-20T01:58:00.005+08:00

Hey..there's a mirror. why not?

False alarms are not good for the wallet. But I am happy for her that the results came out negative and there is no need to cry out a river.

I suddenly understand what my dear darlings went through when their mums were hit by breast cancer. Luckily my mother is safe. But she is not living that healthily I believe. Gotta take care and have regular check-ups now..

With Caution,
Kat

A Part of Me

2009-05-19T23:11:00.006+08:00

I found a part of me back..I always thought I would never get to see these pictures for a long long time. In fact, i think I have never seen them for quite a few years. They were kept at the old home (my very first home) and I didnt realise my parents brought them back to Singapore. These brought back so many memories. I was happy to have them back again. It's me and how I used to be.

Sadly most of these picture do not have a date. I can only roughly guess their sequence coz my face is more or less the same at the later periods.

When I was a baby..10 plus years since I last saw these..

These are not baby photos if there aren't any that are naked!

Slightly older..but still very small. Btw I love to sneak into this place with my friends. It belongs to a hotel and no outside people were allowed. But somehow me and my gang could always find ways to sneak in. So much FUN we've had!

I remember this event. My father had helped to build the lantern light at the distant background. We were there to appreciate his hardwork..I ABSOLUTELY LOVE the fashion! haha! Talking bout vintage! My bodysuit looks great too! Thanks to my mother. She really had a good taste for fashion. And she made most of my clothes!
This is what I missed most about my childhood..the snow..myself..my old house ( look at the open window, i think the person there is my mother). I used to climb the taller trees at the background. I was the monkey Goddess who climbs almost everything but my mother claimed that she was better.

This was another event I remember. Our whole family joined this competition to showcase our family. I was the 'peacock' dancing. Mother was playing keyboard while Dad was playing harmonica. I think having the attention of an entire theater hall (it was a very big crowd) was damn cool.

Looks gong..but I just want to show off my coat. I LOVE IT!! hahaha!
Park in Yiyang. I love going to the zoo zoo zoo, and I love going to the park park park.

I have absolutely no memory of what this picture was about. But look at the expression. I am a natural! for being crazy..

Ok..this is the demure side..don't you love the little kawaii girl by my side? She is sooo cute!

This was the Underwater World at Sentosa. First time there, first time going out with my Dad after arriving in SG. How time flies..and he was really skinny then. lol

Reunion 2 years? or more later. Family picture with Grandma..I think this is the last time I ever saw her. Miss her so much! She was the one strong uniting factor for the entire family.

These really made my day..or night. I miss my childhood so much...

Kat

The Days Are Gone When You Held My Hand

2009-05-16T05:52:00.004+08:00

Every night I ask myself,
What am I really seeking?
Something that I could not find.

I lost my direction
I lost my wings
I lost my harbour
I lost my purpose

Every night when the birds are asleep,
It's the time that I think of you.
Time passing, people leaving
The world is not what I imagined it to be,
and you are no longer here with me.

I do not want to grow up
I do not want to change
I do not want to listen
I do not want to wait anymore

Every night I hope for it to rain,
As the coldness engulfs me,
Down goes into the darkest pit.
Spiraling, swirling,
The empty void awaits.

Once you said to me,
'I wanna grow old with you.'.
Now I could only smile,
as words of coldness eats me up,
Let's just be friends.

50 Seconds From Now

2009-05-15T05:53:00.007+08:00

50 boy the game has started
49 I close my eyes
48 you ran away so fast
47 I can still hear that you're breathing

46 I see my future
45 I try to see your future
44 I think I am feeling blue
43 I just can't stop thinking of you

42 41 40

When can I see you again
Will you turn into someone I don't really know
How can I see you again
I'm so afraid that you're becoming someone I don't really know

39 38 37 36 35 34 33 32 31 30

29 a leaf falls in my hand
28 I feel the heartbeat of the street
27 the birds are singing in the sky
26 a ghost asks: 'Why are you standing here?'

When can I see you again
Will you turn into someone I don't really know
How can I see you again
I'm so afraid that you're becoming someone I don't really know

25 24 23 22 21 20 19 18 17 16 15 14 13 12 11 10 9 8

7 the butterflies dance in front of me
6 do you know that it's my lucky number
5 I've lost my sense of space and time
4 it's getting closer to the end
3 I'm out of my mind
2 baby are you ready?
1 it's time to open my eyes...

Stolen, &
left in the lurch

0 do I still know you

Me myself and I

2009-05-14T17:02:00.002+08:00

There you go,

haha!

Ah Hah!

2009-05-14T03:04:00.005+08:00

Salute me for I am good at getting into trouble!
Can I just mind my own business?
No! Coz I care/can.
I don't let things go that easily,
For I would be sorry if I do.

But I guess we always had to learn the hard way?
I did my best and tried even harder..
Maybe I need to work on words of persuasion?
For they aren't good enough.
Somehow I did see it coming,
Still..we like to be fools.

You are who you wanna be,
or what your words say you are.
I bow before your masquerade,
for denial is the new black.
Reality would be bland,
not for the drama we are in.

'I's, 'Me's, and 'Myself's,
Lets have some change.
How about 'We's, 'Us's and 'Our's?
Understanding is not necessary,
Provocation is a prerequisite,
Respect is never an English word.

I heard all there is to say,
except for the right answer.
and so I told myself,
What a great lesson learnt.
There's only one line,
separating trust and disgust.

I have said enough
so have a nice day!

With disgust,
Kat

Should I

2009-05-10T06:10:00.000+08:00

You should be in love,
just like everyone else...

You should believe in simplicity,
like that of rainbows and butterflies...

You should be delighted and grateful,
for beautiful surprises aren't hard to come by...

Before disappearing, and while attaining..

With Love,

Kat

Play It Safe

2009-05-09T03:28:00.001+08:00

"Be daring, be different, be impractical, be anything that will assert integrity of purpose and imaginative vision against the play-it-safers, the creatures of the commonplace, the slaves of the ordinary."

- Cecil Beton.

Finally..the other side of ADM..

2009-05-01T01:56:00.002+08:00

Finally, i had the opportunity to take a peak at the music room. The room is not too big but has almost everything that you need for a good jam. And then...I fell in love with the drum set!! I so want to pursue this passion..and pick up those that I am so rusty in now....

It will be soooo wasted if I dont do something about them...

Move it,

Kat

Coming Soon..

2009-04-27T04:23:00.005+08:00

I may get my hands on a good new camera soon! The price in Japan is not necessarily cheaper as my father had found out. The body is slightly cheaper but the biggest issue is the warranty..dont think i would be flying all the way to Japan to fix a problem. Hopefully getting a good deal in sg is not a difficult challenge, may need more expertise in this..mmm...for now, just imagine..the pics are all in excellent quality!

Like this one...

and still hanging there..

He just can't keep his head still..

Last Friday? oh noo Thurs...

Before the critique, everybody's exhausted to the max and we decided to hide in the toilet when we saw Fab oncoming.. (there are about 8 girls..or more..I hope he's not hurt by our move. hahaHA)

and yes..the presentations...I have to say..i was freaking tired to hear anything and register anything inside my head. OMG..it was sooo boring to stand/sit through the entire 2 hours? Can't remb exact.

But some people really did a good job..I would say.

Hopefully I can stop the pixel killing pictures asap..

With Love,
Kat

Simplicity is Bliss..

2009-04-19T01:17:00.004+08:00

More stolen pics...

There are beings so cute on earth that I just dont understand why..

and right now..I am beginnin' to understand the full picture... finally. 3 and a half years..could be a lot..or a little. But I have grown and learnt..

Being who we are..constantly drifting..floating, what the future beholds is never certain & predictable. However, the only thing that holds true and dear is the present, which is more important that the future and the future is only a projection of the present.

Learn to appreciate, and treasure..
What little there is for us to keep dear to our hearts.

With Luv,
kat.

You..

2009-04-18T16:50:00.001+08:00

If only I could have..

a lil' fellow like

you.

kat

The Days Gone By..

2009-04-15T00:31:00.004+08:00

Time and motive unclear

dance of light & polka dots..

4-5 April

2 days of a stressful weekend.. jawnur jawnur eat me whole..

The other victims..

Attention seekers..

13-14 April

Living with oils..
Yao: (turning to her right) 'Omg! I am sleeping with a skeleton!'

This is the bed but actually is the full-time model stand

old model with muscular body..lol

15 April

home at last..where Jammer is waiting in sweet slumber with all fours up in the sky..(couldn't be captured on cam)

and the cat...which is not taken on the same day...

At the end of two days..only 'slept' for 4 hours..

Lookin' for a good day of muggin tmr,
Kat

nites..

Oddity

2009-04-13T02:32:00.003+08:00

Managed to calm myself down..but it's still a very frustrating period. I am worried..very worried.

Just yesterday I walked two whole rounds in Jp just to look for something to eat. None raised my appetite and I was already starving. Then I saw MOS and it suddenly dawned on me that I had wanted to eat the Chicken Teriyaki Burger for so long..

Such a simple solution after taking great pains to look for it. It made certain things seems clearer to me now. But...what should I do?

Too many what ifs..

Kat

Double

2009-04-12T02:12:00.003+08:00

I was just told that I am going to lead an abnormal life..

and I was just rejected the right to having my own kitten.

Double blow.

The thing is...I may not want to fight about the former...

Everyone deserves sth of their own. Are you telling me that I should give up on a 'normal' life just coz u said sth otherwise?

I would if it's really...normal

Utterly disappointed..
Kat

Pretend that I have a CAMERA..

2009-04-08T22:25:00.003+08:00

Sometime ago..

A rarity on a sunny afternoon..

and a happy composition..

and one tired evening home..

keep it going..

Kat

All That I Can Say But

2009-04-08T22:00:00.004+08:00

I think I will never feel that way..

It's sad..Knowing my incapabilities to..
love somebody...the way you do

kat.

Upgrade!

2009-04-06T04:06:00.000+08:00

Why so slow....why soooo slowwwwww!!!

Going mad..
Kat

This Fellow Made my day!

2009-03-23T10:27:00.000+08:00

More to check out here.

aww....

Genie In A bottle..

2009-03-22T05:53:00.010+08:00

I came across this baby..

which comes with this baby too,

plus many more from Nixon! Their branding pleases and works for me. Cool, sleek, colourful, desirable..and most important of all, well-designed!

Ok... that's not all...

1. First thing first, I NEED a GOOD camera!
This is sth which I really really really would love to get...the Canon 5D Mark II. However...considering the price....

maybe I will have to be content with this one? Ok...my mistake..Nikon D90 is very good already!

2. I NEED a Wacom tablet...seriously...it is so hard and inefficient without one..
Here is one LCD tablet which u can paint off it directly!

This is, of course, the dream tablet which I would love to get, but again, let's be realistic..
If I can have this I will be a happy girl...

3. I need to sketch well on paper..so the next thing I need is of course...

This!!

mmm...ok, too ambitious...maybe just

and

4. Last but not least...I really should be getting a new mp3 player....miss my old one..

the new ipod shuffle!

Ok..gotta work hard now...

haha..

I think there're more things but somehow couldn't recall..
maybe it's better I don't remember.

Desiring..
Kat

An Afternoon's Breather Is All I Needed..and There Goes the Rainbow After the Rain

2009-03-22T05:15:00.007+08:00

Exclusively Singapore...

This is the kind of place which I am really happy to have found today afternoon. I miss the sea so much that this trip got me really excited!!

The beauty of nature derives the simplest pleasure of all...Loved it!!

Unfortunately I do not have a camera with me (lost it during CNY), but hey...this is not bad and much better than no camera at all. The res of my phone cam ain't that bad huh..haha

There there, the Rainbow! Injustice done by my phone cam though.

Yes...Now I miss wakeboarding and diving even more........

Caught in da vicious cycle

Needs or wants..
Bread or....Xiao Long Baos?

Awwwwww......

Crustacean Alike..

2009-03-22T05:09:00.004+08:00

Just a random thought..

You don't have to make someone sad to make yourself happier. Or you don't have to be sad yourself if someone is happier than u.

True happiness begins with yourself.

To the unhappy and emo souls out there....
take a step back and see what you are actually missing.

smiles..
Kat

Chasing Technologies...

2009-03-22T05:01:00.003+08:00

The infatuation continues..
as I can barely keep up with the flux of incoming information...

I need to make sense...
I need some control..

It's kinda messy now,
but I LOVE it absolutely!

Salute to the GoogleGuys!

Muack.

Kat

Chasing Pavements..

2009-03-19T21:36:00.002+08:00

Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements, even if it leads nowhere...
or would it be a waste even if i knew my place..should I leave it there..

The answer is sometimes obvious..
u just need to know when to accept it.

Hide me away...

the best solution?

ha.

Desperation Calls..

2009-03-17T01:59:00.003+08:00

I am in desperate need for an upgrade for my desktop and some other operating systems..And I definitely need to remind myself to do the extremely important back ups!

Very desperate....

Kat

Gadget Geeko..

2009-03-15T04:12:00.003+08:00

Ok...I think I am having compulsive disorder in tryin to make things complicated...

Can't stop myself from adding nice Gadgets into the blog...

Alright, just for fun! Yet to try out Adsense..but too bad CPC should be v low, lol!

BTW..I have to declare..

GOOGLE ROCKS!

So far I have already given up on my hotmail account except for the fact that I am using it just for messenger...but anyway, I can change it to my gmail if I want...

Let's see..

Kat

I Swear I am not Getting Distracted!

2009-03-13T23:32:00.003+08:00

With my fingers crossed however...

I came across this pic and wow..it really caught my attention. This reminds me of one of my childhood fantasies of living in high tree-top houses...which explains why i like to climb trees or hide in low branching, dom-shaped trees so much, while observing people in secrecy..well..i am not a peeping tom..but it's very fun!

These two trees were built in such a haphazard fashion that they immediately caught my attention. Oh btw it also reminds me of that house flying on balloons in the up and coming animation called UP. cool!

With more googling.. I came across this illustration which is really nice...this reminds me of my dream of living in a tree top camp on the African plains.. then i thought oh no...leopards can climb trees. But this house came multi-levelled with pretty much everything I could possibly want in a treehouse! lol

and this is wat the future holds for treehouses! who knows..maybe in future we will all have a chance to live in natural habitat with minimum effect on the environment. It looks great to me!

However, if I cant live on trees, I could at least live near water like this one! This is the lakehouse from the 2006 movie, The Lake House. Beautiful place, even more beautiful story.. I do hope my future husband is an architect or sth and build me sth like this!

Yeah .. I can always dream, for without it there will be nothin'.. and of course..these are only part of my big dreams....

Maybe I am too greedy..

oh..

Kat

Under the Sea, Where the Wonder Is..

2009-03-12T05:19:00.014+08:00

These pics were taken in June 2007, at Tioman and a few from Sentosa...Yes they were old...but these are memories worth keeping and sharing!

The wonderful things I love..

Beautiful SunsetLong but yet exciting boat rides

Under the dock where the fishes and Egrets hide

I was awed by how blue and clear the water is!

My fav instructor

Poor lil' crown fish couldn't get enough protection from the tentacles..haha

After a long day of diving...too exhausted that I had to sit down and rest..

The always quick and unappetising dinners...or lunch

Our lil' cozy place of stay Leaving time..Btw..from where I was sitting..I could see flying fishes! Omg...they literally flies!Actually..this was taken on the way to Pulau Tioman, but watever...Back to the place where I worked...Cafe Del MarAnd the beach that it looks out to..

Loved it..
Missing it...

Advanced? When can I get it? mmmm

Can't wait,
Kat

How Does one Handle Oneself?

2009-03-02T21:49:00.002+08:00

When render is slow.. when work is stacked against me..

when sad news are flying all around...

I need something..

to cheer me up..

I don't feel too good inside..

Kat

Perspective

2009-03-01T14:41:00.003+08:00

Now I know why..
you never trusted me..

action speaks louder than words..
but you do not see

On 23 February..

2009-02-23T01:59:00.001+08:00

Happy Birthday !

smiless..

Kat

We Are Always in Transit..You Are Missed Miss/es

2009-02-22T03:06:00.003+08:00

Today went to Changi airport to see cc....I seldom go all the way down there to pick up someone. But this time i really wanted to see her and since she's doing a transit of a few hours..it makes wat little time we have together much MUCH more precious! and being all emotional..i can't help but cried....I cried sooo much these few days come to think of it...and then she showed little hand-made cards from close friends and cried too..hahaaa...

I am glad...and i do miss her alot....there were ups and downs and even if we hardly contact or talk the friendship always remains dear...and I have already decided on planning my next trip to Sydney, yeahh~ can see my darling/(s) there.. hahaa..

Haiss...if u see this baby I have soo much to tell u..and so little time.. will find a chance to skype u! Next week definitely busy busy...

And to hw and hl, if you guys sees this...do know that i miss you darlings even though i have been mia-ing and disappearing constantly...hw esp..it's not that i dont care k, i just needed some time to sort out myself. I will try to appreciate my friends more and if i am neglecting you babies i am really sorry... Love you guys and let's meet up soon!

Transitting from thoughts to thoughts,
Kat

3 Mths Past 1 Year..Going Strong

2009-02-21T01:32:00.003+08:00

Gold digger Jam..

"Yeah...give me massage!" says Jam.
Hamster waddle..(gotta look at his butt when he does that..!)

That's my boy..Lovely and Cute as usual..Some say he's old, but at least I have one year and 3 mths of good days with him and still going strong!

Lovess..
Kat

犬と私の10の約束/ 10 Promises to My Dog (2008)..

2009-02-21T00:53:00.008+08:00

Cried profusely again in front of the computer....then realised i looked shitty. haha

It's just so so so touchin'..the promises do not just apply to dogs..and both the girl and the dog look so beautiful and kawaii~! Not to forget the whole set...which reminds me of how a miyazaki set would look like in real-life and how pretty things which are likely from muji looked..

Yes! Everythin's so perfecto! and I have always wanted a golden boy~!

For further explorations, there is another similar film..

.
.
.
.

クイール/ Quill (2004)

Last but not least, another very very very touching film..which made me cry like nobody's business that is:

子ぎつねヘレン/ Helen the Baby Fox (2006)

You will know what i mean if u watch them...crying is normal again..

With luv and profoundly touched...
Kat

The bad luck continues..

2009-02-12T21:07:00.004+08:00

Of all things essential, my internet just died suddenly......i repeat, suddenly! one hour ago it was ok and after a short nap when i came back the bloody router was giving me the red light. No reset will do wonder..i tried..

Now i am out of connection til Monday..and the nice lil modem they have is out of stock. I dont get it..it's MIO...isnt it the newest?? well...another lesson learnt: do not connect every telecommunication devices at home. Its not just my internet connection that is down. my house phone is out as well now..And my mobile service is under StarHub. So when i tried calling SingNet, the number is invalid! Out of options, I have to resort to borrowing my neighbour's phone to call...after 3 transfers that is..and yet further confirmation is needed.....

very efficient...and I can't help but complain..

Kat

Single but NOT unavailable...NOT anymore..

2009-02-08T01:07:00.004+08:00

Finally....i have thought it through...

3 years....not really long and not too short. Maybe right at the start i shouldnt see hope. Just like wat Farah said what she would have done if she's in my shoes two and a half years ago...there are times that i wanted to break free and forget.. now when i think again i realised i should've put in all to savage the situation..

However, I am happy..and content...and now i finally have the courage to leave all these behind me..

maybe that's wat they say..释怀..

Lookin' ever more forward,
Kat

YES I am BACK, Shhhhh

2009-02-07T01:35:00.007+08:00

Without a splash.....or even a ripple

Intrinsically i hope i am still in China at this very moment..not alone in my quiet house doing household chores and school work..i begin to really feel like a house wife who has to go to school..where is my husband??! ok..just kidding..

Anyway i feel sorry for myself...not just the fact that i am back...but I have literally no pictures to share and reminisce upon...maybe there're a few but that would be very....VERY rare. I had two thieves making my year of the OX seems much more unwelcoming and treacherous, all within three days in two countries...not to mention some time back my phone and ipod also went missing in a bizarre and hauntingly similar manner..In addition, i also feel sorry for missing so many lessons, but it's been 10 years since i went back for this year's cny...it should be worth it..hope no one will want my head chopped off..

Hall of the lost and never found

Canon Powershot A450 along with its 2GB SD card full of precious cargo

Ipod shuffle...along with its..hais......I still remember I was listening to Cheer's song when it disappeared...

Another heartbreak..Nokia 6120 Classics...along with don't know how many contacts and how many important messages......life can be a joke at times....only that it's not funny

and last but not least....to my uttermost dismay...some sickos was sick enough to steal my underwear right under my nose!! I bought them in China and lugged them all the way here! They are entirely new and even washed clean...not too mention the price.....i am not gonna put pics though...but they sure look pretty...

And before you judge...OK..I admit...I am BLUR..and pls do NOT entrust valuable stuff to me. I will be stressed out..and sister, i will remember to zip my bag all the time..(actually it was my cousin who was carrying the bag when the cameras were stolen, his and mine..wonderful) and whoever comes along seeing my bag open..pls scold me. haha!

Ever since i am back i have decided i should give more time to myself...well..recently i have been reflectin..on all things found in the universe..I have come to realise things and thought about actions and approaches....hopefully i will carry them out and make myself a happier person!

Treasure what you have, while there's still time...
I realise I have been wrong...and there's still time..

With Luv...
Kat

It's all a matter of uncertainty

2009-01-16T03:27:00.003+08:00

I saw someone who looks like you, but it's just a glimpse, too fleeting..too unreal.

Memories..maybe i should just let them go..buried away and so the pain will go away... i guess no one understands wat its really like...and to not care bout wat one cares...

it's been years...and i am accustomed to this waiting game..i tried to change but still its hard to let go...and i am scared, to let anybody else down...

Maybe i am waiting for nothing, maybe i am wrong, maybe you just dont care anymore.

One may end while another begins, here i am, waiting..

2009-01-16T02:31:00.006+08:00

Counting down to the days to a cold winter! Away from the hot and humid Singapore for once..and also looking forward to the first reunion dinner back home in 10 years..

It's been a long time....ironic as it seems coz the wait has been so long that it becomes negligible and no long matters..to think that initially i couldnt care less to check the timing to make sure i can go home and was prepared to stay back in sg alone while my parents celebrate cny back home.

when i checked, the timing matched and at most i will be only missing an one-day-lesson which poses no big problem? anyway i am already in hol mood which might explain for my status of idle and MIA-ing....having some time for myself right now...good or bad i dont really know..i simply lost interest...in work..ha

Idling like nobody's business,
Kat

Holidays is Never Too Far..

2009-01-06T02:05:00.004+08:00

They are just not NEAR!!

Chui look

When u experienced prolonged exhaustion and lack of sleep up to a certain point, this is wat u get...

I want some time to stop and smell the flowers..grass.... or cement....watever it is!!

Disappointedly...
Kat

p.s.: Happy birthday Penguin and happy new year and merry christmas...

and maybe..

Happy Chinese New Year too!

Closet secrets

2008-12-26T21:55:00.003+08:00

I dun know how this is all going to turn out, it sounds stupid, but I am left with no choice..cross my fingers and hope for the best, after all...it's been so many years.

In the mean time, I am trying to make myself happy, even things aren't always going my way..think positively and remember to

SMILE!

With Luv..
Kat