I can't just sit around anymore for something to happen to my life. Waiting is useless. I need to put words into action. I need to improve! I know that I have no choice and no reason for the rough times that I've been through but I know that it's never too late to control and shape your future. No one should ever give up and lose sight of their dreams.
And I should stop judging myself and the people around me. If nobody understand me it is not anyone's fault. Every body is different and thrives on a different set of beliefs and values. We all have our own choices and stands. Don't try to change a person when you can't. And this amounts finally to where we would end up. You would never end up the same way as another person and it may not make your life necessarily better or worse than the latter. Similarly, you can't blame parents for passing judgments which are unfair. There are things they would never understand or know since we are all different entities. I guess I will keep an open heart.
Still, we like to put blames and fault others. It's all human nature and unfortunately we are human beings which are bound to implicate things. The truth is a few years down the road nothing will ever seem so important anymore. I had my fair share of problems and 'shadows' which may have greatly shaped me into who I am today. My thoughts, personality and behaviour are a reflection of the years and lives of others in my life, as well as events and things as small as molecular collisions or atmoic explosions but nonetheless critical.
My thoughts are digressing and flying all over the place. The gist of it all is that I want to feel peaceful and alive again. I have been dwelling long enough in the shadows and I have been wanting more than what I can chew. Greedy, resentful, quick to judge and afraid, I am loosing the me in myself. I am loosing sight of that simple and kind person that I always wanted to be. I want to change for the better so I can embrace myself again.
We are no saints. We err.
I have made lots of mistakes along the way which I hope I had learn well from all of them. I make it a point to keep true my own bottom line and principles. I only wish that it could be seen coz they are people from my past whom would never understand this. I am saying this is because firstly I am feeling nostalgic, and most importantly I need a reminder on learning from past mistakes or maybe that of others.
To end off this popped up for no reason post, I shall insist on this fact.
No matter how much you think I have changed. I am still ME. Deep down you can still find that little childish girl who is still inquistive about the whole wide world and believes in goodness in everything that is not evil.
Just like this pretty stolen image which has certain ambiguous meaning and value that is only known to myself.
I look on the bright side of things..
as a Choice.
kat.
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