Tasteless

I've lost my sense of taste. My mouth just tastes so bland and bitter. Just now I almost told someone that the cup of lemonade taste weird when I realised it was my own taste buds that's giving me the wrong information. I am not sure how long it will last but according to my mother it is only when you had fever that your tongue will go out. Maybe..it is a blessing in disguise since even water tastes sweet now in my bitter mouth.

I woke up with high fever 5am in the morning on Monday. It was unbearable, the feeling of weakness, helplessness and an experience close to that of dying from an uncontrollable disease. I have had many near death experiences before, such as bicycle accidents and falling down from heights which all left me unconscious. But somehow being caught in a slow and painful situation like a high fever with every inch of my body aching do bring some issues to mind. Time slows down..then the pain is somehow magnified. Trust me, I would rather be unconscious after being hit by a car or bike.

While I was wriggling in bed swallowing my pain..I couldn't stop thinking bout this one person. I think it explains a lot as to why I only thought of this person when I am in great need of comfort and help. It kept going over my mind and somehow reignited my faith. If only this someone knows..I still could not find any courage to show it. I guess I am too weak, not just physically, but also emotionally.

Then I reflected on why I am so weak within these few months. Have I not been exercising enough? Maybe..I think I should start swimming more often whenever I have time. Now I have location as a convenience, shouldn't waste it. Also, I had all 3 days to think about things..time really slowed down. No internet, no work, not much phone calls and sms. Time is a luxury. Don't blame me coz I am really bed bound. These aside, I think the most important reason why I physically broken down again is the insurmountable stress even at week 3. I was really..really stressed. It was the first time that I got so stressed up in the beginning! It is not just work, but also people, friends and family...mostly friends. I have been very disappointed lately, by a lot of things. We blame, we fault we run and we accuse, but friendships should remain. These things are hard to come by, so I hope to treasure and hold, and definitely communicate.

Last but not least, I wish time would go slower..I wish I could have more time to think and to rest. It is impossible to remove all stress from life but I hope it won't bring me down that easily, again.


With love,
Kat.